If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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