Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize