Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
