You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
