my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize