New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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