i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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