am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
