I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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