Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
