you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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