this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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