Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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