She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize