every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
