Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
