Just fell off a train. Bad.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
sex in a hospital.. check
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
