this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
