i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
