Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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