Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize