I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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