I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
