I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
