whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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