When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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