Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
pray to the hookup gods
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
