you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You ruined the universe
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
