dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
