Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
