So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
