You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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