Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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