Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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