at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I forgot wine drunk hurts
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
