"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
