Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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