He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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