this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
