Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
