Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
