I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
