Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
