True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
