my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize