just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
