I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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