The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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