please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
two words...techno handjob
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize