I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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