u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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