if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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