Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
