I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
