I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Randomize
