Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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