We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
