wanna go halves on a baby?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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