Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
