Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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