I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
