Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
