I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
