I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
