why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
