do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
