Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
