IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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