She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
