Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
