o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize