I don't usually arrange sex via text message
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
