hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
