Fine. I'll sleep in my office
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
